10 Things I've Learnt In My Early Twenties
This type of blog post usually comes when you hit some sort of milestone like 30 perhaps. It’s crazy that in November next year I will be turning 25, giving me that deep sinking feeling in my stomach and a ball in my throat. I have no idea what is going to happen in the next 6 years let alone what’s happening tomorrow or even where my next cup of coffee is coming from. There’s things I have definitely learnt since turning 20 but I can’t begin to imagine what is to come in the next 6 years, when I'm thirty, hopefully, a lot more wisdom and knowledge will come my way.
Today though, I thought I would share some of the things that I feel are important to tell other 20-somethings or even if you aren’t a whippersnapper, you will probably agree with most of the things that I am going to share.
1. Friends really do come and go.
I have had so many people walk in and out of my life for various reasons. When I was younger I really took this to heart, but I feel like when you get older you just accept it more. Sometimes there’s no reason why you stop talking to someone, no tea has been spilt - but you find yourself not being friends with people who you once thought were your world. There have been two people that have left my life for no reason at all and I was really hung up on it for quite a while. I felt like someone had died. I was grieving people who left without a reason and it really hurt. However, now I am only left with wonderful memories and the experiences we shared together. Yes - it makes me feel sad from time to time that it can’t be like that now, but that’s what’s life about. My mom always says that if you can count your ’true’ friends, on one hand, you’re lucky.
2. FOMO isn’t a thing anymore.
Your twenties are labelled as ‘the selfish years’. Where you go out all the time and maybe be a lil broke. Sure I went out sometimes at university but honestly, I found myself having a better time staying in, alone or with friends. I used to scroll and scroll through people’s drunken photos sprawled across the internet, selfies with bouncers girl gang pictures captioned “ LN w/ my gals 💃🏼🍸❤️". I sat there and thought that I was really missing out. Was I turning into a grandma? Then I realised that I wasn’t missing out because I wasn’t doing what everyone else was - doing what made me happy, which in my case, was staying in, drinking a bottle or two and singing Taylor Swift at the top of my lungs with a group of friends. I think there’s a lot of pressure when it comes to the ‘fear of missing out’ as people don’t want to be labelled ‘boring’. You do you, and if watching capybara videos hungover with your best friend all day does that for you, then it really doesn’t matter. (For you ginge).
3. Changing my name was the best decision I have ever made.
I’ve been known as Goatier for so many years that I’m not entirely sure when it started. If you don’t know me, I have never had a relationship with my father and carrying his name was a burden. I didn’t want to be known under a name that I wasn’t connected too and I always felt like it wasn’t me. Most of my family are ‘Goater’s’ but originally the name comes from the French name ‘Goatier’. As soon as I heard it, I instantly knew it was me. So although I have a completely different name to the rest of my family, I feel more connected than ever. I officially changed my name via deed poll on the 13th February 2017.
4. Loving someone is easy but it requires work and compromise.
Now that I have entered my 4th year in my relationship, I really understand that it goes take two to tango. Both people have to let go of their egos and pride sometimes to grow together and it isn’t easy. If you truly love someone you will find a way to always make it work. Yes - sometimes relationships have to be serious but have a bit of fun. You're both still learning new things about eachother everyday and enjoy it.
5. Feeling lost is okay.
After my blip last month, I recently just thought that it’s okay to feel confused and apprehensive about the future. After graduation, you’re thrown into the world like a newborn. It’s hard, you get promised an incredible job, meet the person of your dreams, you get a dog and all is well. It doesn’t work like that (you’re lucky if it does) but for the most of us, feeling lost often leads you into something greater. If you feel like it’s getting you down, speak to someone - you’re not alone.
6. Save when you can.
Make it become a habit. Sure, spend your hard earned money while you have no responsibility, but if you put a little bit away each month or week, you will be surprised with how much you can save. Whether it's to buy something you've always wanted, taking that trip or saving up for a house, it's rewarding.
7. Be compassionate.
There’s been a lot in the news over the past few years with people battling with mental health and although we have come a long way with talking about it, more people need to be compassionate towards others. I am actually pretty good and keeping my thoughts to myself and I can honestly say I’ve never said anything horrible to anyone on social media. It isn’t worth it, it gains nothing from the giver and hurt to the receiver. Just because someone’s life looks put together on the internet does not mean they are happy. Ask your friends and loved ones if they’re okay. It costs nothing to ask.
8. Experiment with style.
I haven’t ever really given myself a definitive style. There’s days where I love nothing but an XXL t-shirt and sweats and other days I’m wearing a disco ball. It’s super cool and inspiring to see people have a definitive style, especially in London, but there’s far too many styles that I like to pick just one. I buy clothes that I know I’ll wear, not just trendy pieces that last 2 weeks and I almost always choose comfort over style. I cannot wear something that makes me self-conscious. Sometimes though I’ll pick something up that I wouldn’t usually choose just to see and 70% of the time I surprise myself by liking it.
9. Take care of your skin (future you will thank you).
In a recent blog post, I explain that I’ve never had a proper skincare routine, but I always make sure that I take off my makeup every night and give it a good old moisturise. Lather your body with a good suncream in summer and keep it hydrated in the winter.
10. Cliche but - know your self-worth.
I battle with this all the time. “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t do this…” Pick yourself up and speak up for yourself, tell yourself that you CAN do it. Don’t let people pull you down, whether it’s in the workplace or at home. You probably know deep down exactly what you’re capable of.